I know it is not right to feel sad on such a great festive.
I was really happy the day before despite being tired.
Contrary I am not happy when I am energized.

What could be the reason?
The arguement between me and my brother this morning?
The way my life is shaped?
The fact that there is only 3 persons sitting at the dinner table this year?
The coldness covering the whole house today?
The friend who is escaped my world?
The song that is playing over and over again?(Wo zhen de shuo shang le)

I said before...I feel that sadness is a very solitaire emotion.
I don't see how sadness could be divided or shared. You can pour it out but the feel still gnaws there.
I don't see why there should be a rationale for sadness or rather why should sadness be account for?

I wanna stop feeling sad but I don't like it when people asked me to cheer up cos' I have to smile for their sake when I am still blue in colour.

The feeling I have now is one that make me wanna be alone, wanna curl up in my bed and stare at the ceilings or outside the window.
It is not one that make me wanna cry outside but it feels worse than that.

Who can make me happy at this moment?

Umm...hmmm...

Could be the wholeness of my family.
Could be a happy song.
Could be that friend who can warm my world right now.

None acheivable at this point of time.

My brother and dad aint here. Mum's flying in hours to come.
I don't feel like listening to another song.
I don't have to repeat about the last.

I used to think that it is bad luck for the rest of the year if I couldnt feel right at the eve of it.
But logically that is rubbish, I feel.
Nothing and noone can rob my right to feel. I can don't think but I don't wanna not feel.

To brighten up the whole reading for you...
Let me say a happy thing or recount one at least.

Hmm...

Well..sorry I don't feel anything of that now.

Maybe I should end with...

Happy Chinese New Year.
=)